Alcoholic Party Clown

Str 3 Dex 3 Con 3
Int 2 Per 2 Wil 3
LPs 30
EPs 32
Spd 12
Essence 16

Artistic Talent (Make Balloon Animals) 2 (2)
Addiction (Alcohol) (-4)
Addiction (Smoking) (-2)
Clown 1 (-1)
Cowardly 1 (-1)
Hard to Kill 2 (2)
Recurring Nightmares
Status 1 (1)

Acrobatics 1
Acting 2
Brawling 3
Dancing 1
Disguise 3
Dodge 2
Driving (Van) 2
Guns (Handgun) 2
Guns (Shotgun) 1
Hand Weapon (Baton) 2
Play Instrument (Banjo) 1
Notice 2
Singing 1
Sleight of Hand 3
Streetwise 1
Storytelling 2
Swimming 1
Thrown (Sphere: Party Balloons) 3

Alcholol (plenty), Balloon animals filled with alcohol, Bag of fireworks, Cigars, Handgun, Lighter, Seltzer bottle filled with alcohol

Clown Tricks
Using the seltzer bottle, ballon animals, alcohol, fireworks and lighter, the Party Clown creates mayhem and inflicts damage. It's not the safest way to do so, but what's to be expected from this guy?

Yes, I'm drunk. You got a problem with that?

I didn't think so.

And I'm not just dressed like a clown -- I am a clown. I was the best goddamn clown in all of Spokane and its surrounding counties. Every parent wanted to have Uncle Charlie and his trained ferret Sparky at their kid's parties and bar mitzvahs. I was more than an entertainer, I was a status symbol.

I kid you not -- there was a motherfriggin' waiting list a year long for my services. I couldn't have done it without Sparky though, smart as a whip and gentle as I don't know what. He and I shared a kind of bond, that damn animal understood me a whole hell of a lot more than that bloodsucker ex-wife of mine.

Why is my clown suit covered with blood you ask? Why do I still dress this way, years after the collapse of civilization, as we knew it?

DON'T FRIGGIN' RUSH ME, AWRIGHT? Buy me another drink and I'll get to it.

It was a swank affair at some country club. A rich kid's party with catered food, a trampoline and pony rides. Sparky and I had a whole bunch of new material to try out and, if I do say so myself, we had them eating out of our hands.

Suddenly all this commotion starts and I see all these weirdoes crashing the party. They're knocking over the tables and grabbing people. We didn't know about the zombies then. We didn't know what the frig was going on. Course, the first sight of blood and people start to panic, grabbing their kids and rushing for their cars.

Then, one of the kids got knocked down and he's in the path of one those things and he's too afraid to move. His eyes meet mine and he starts yellin' "Uncle Charlie! Help me!"

But I didn't. I couldn't move. And what could I have done? You can't fight off monsters with balloon animals and a joy buzzer! I couldn't look away either, I just stared like a friggin' idiot as the zombie lurched closer and closer to the crying kid.
< BR> Sparky, bless his heart, had other ideas. With a brave little squeal, he leapt onto the zombie's face and started biting. I screamed at the ferret to get out of there but it was too late.

All it took as one bite and my little buddy was history. But that was all the kid needed to get away. I remember that as he ran past me he gave me this accusing look. Never forgot that.

Worse, he doubled back and kicked me in the shins and said, "You suck!"

Never forgot that either.

After I got away from the carnage, I started hitting the bottle. No matter how much I drink, whenever I close my eyes I can still see that damn zombie with my ferret's tail sticking out of its mouth.

Since then I've dedicated myself to protecting children from those flesh-eating bastards. I know that Sparky is up there in heaven watching me and I can only hope that someday I can redeem myself in his eyes. Until then I wear the same clown suit and red nose I wore that terrible day.

You see? It all makes sense . . . in a sad, horrible way.

Hey! Where are you going?

"Uncle Charlie don't play that!"

Artwork by: George Vasilakos
Flavor Text by: Albert Bruno III

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